January 25, 2011

Slacking

I've known a slacker.
Who goes by daylight
And drops what he's doing the second the sun hits the ground.

He is someone
Who should be doing something.
But has no motivation to pummel his to-do list.

I want to help him.
Someone help him.

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Currently listening to: Nine Inch Nails
Song: The Hand That Feeds
Album: With Teeth

January 20, 2011

Lights

When I had lights on my sneakers the only thing that mattered was how cool I looked running.


What happened to that?

January 16, 2011

Sharp Syntax and Your Ability to Own Me

Sharp Syntax and Your Ability to Own Me

There is a lie you continuously tell me that crushes my soul every single time the words leak from between your lips. It strangles me and does things to my body that I didn’t know where possible. The whites of my eyes rupture under the pressure, every time. I feel them drip out my sockets and down my cheeks but by the time I find a tissue my vision is gone. Blinded by words. My senses fade to black and I am left with an ashy storm cloud fogging my thoughts. It is too dense and heavy to dance under and it stings the surface of my flesh. Each and every fucking time. I want to dip my fingers in the dirty snow and write your words on my bedroom wall like charcoal. I want to stain my sanctuary with them so that I will never forget what you’re saying. I’ll stare at them every minute of every day until I memorize every piece of syntax you spew. Until they are embedded so deeply in my mind that I can literally feel them printed on the inside of my skull like brail; seared into the backside of my eyelids so I can read them in my sleep. They will be the first thing I see when I wake up and my last thought I have before I fall asleep. That way I can repeat them over and over and over and finish your sentence before the saliva has a change to wet your lips. And I’ll tear out my eyes and wrap them in the shreds of my soul that you’ve torn out. Then you can devour those, too. You can digest them and keep them forever and control more of me than you thought you ever could, sharing laughs with your sister at my expense. Eventually, I’ll weaken. I’ll fall to my metaphorical knees and my symbolic guts will spew up and out my esophagus, covering my world in an acidic, soulless liquid; like a zit popped on a mirror. Or like eyes leaking from their sockets. Or words, watery and wet, piercing the wax of ears eager to believe.

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Currently listening to: Spose
Song: God Damn
Album: Preposterously Dank

January 5, 2011

2 + 0 = 1 + 1

I stole this from the doctor's office. It's a pamphlet about abortion. I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me for feeling this way. But I'm just not ready. I'm not ready for the new year. I'm not ready to grow another year older. My mind is still stuck in 1996 - with the first blizzard. I'm still nine and building forts out of the snow piles in my front yard. I still have yet to learn about insomnia and depression. My eyes opened eagerly each morning - not hesitant. There were reasons to wake up and love life. Pizza for breakfast, field trips to the Liberty Bell, ice hockey games at 6am. Little slices of life that electrocuted the right side of my brain. But it doesn't work like that anymore. Now I'm reading pamphlets on abortion and STDs. I have dentist appointments on my days off from work at the liquor store. I make eight dollars an hour and can't afford my college bills. My degree in education is worthless in a shitty economy that I still don't understand. When I take you out for dinner at Lubrano's, I'm out of spending-cash for the next two weeks. So please excuse me for thinking this is a bad idea. We can't go through with this. I can't even support myself. I'm sorry. Please. Please do me a favor and read this. Maybe you'll change your mind, though I do not expect you to. 2011 is going to be a rough year, no matter what you decide.

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Currently listening to: mewithoutYou
Song: January 1979
Album: Catch Us For The Foxes