January 6, 2009

Thoughts on Regret

In search for my existential truth, I found that my snooping around has caused thoughts to arise in my skull that I do not wish to think about. Rather, I would like to be able to enjoy whatever has been laid out in front of me so I can stop thinking about insignificant matters in the relationships I have with others. Every time this happens to me I think of the tattoo my brother has on his back, “the past has no future, the present has no past.” Not entirely too sure what it means, but for some reason it never lets me stop thinking about the past. It’s not that I regret what I’ve done. It’s more along the lines of just wishing I could relive it having the knowledge I have now. Then again, maybe that is the definition of regret. Either way it doesn’t matter. The amount of time I’ve spent on this thought has driven me up a wall for just over four years. So I proposed a new plan to combat my mental barricade.

I will stop typing on this keyboard. I will put down the PlayStation controller. I will stop wasting time. Maybe I will make a life-altering decision and move out of my parents’ house. I will lease a house or apartment in Vermont and spend the remaining years of the younger portion of my life and do nothing but snowboard. Or maybe I will move out to California. I’ve never been to the West Coast. (Right Coast Represent). Either way it will force me to change.

And that way I can take a deep breathe, look back and say, “Fuck. I’ve had one hell of a good run.”