January 5, 2011

2 + 0 = 1 + 1

I stole this from the doctor's office. It's a pamphlet about abortion. I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me for feeling this way. But I'm just not ready. I'm not ready for the new year. I'm not ready to grow another year older. My mind is still stuck in 1996 - with the first blizzard. I'm still nine and building forts out of the snow piles in my front yard. I still have yet to learn about insomnia and depression. My eyes opened eagerly each morning - not hesitant. There were reasons to wake up and love life. Pizza for breakfast, field trips to the Liberty Bell, ice hockey games at 6am. Little slices of life that electrocuted the right side of my brain. But it doesn't work like that anymore. Now I'm reading pamphlets on abortion and STDs. I have dentist appointments on my days off from work at the liquor store. I make eight dollars an hour and can't afford my college bills. My degree in education is worthless in a shitty economy that I still don't understand. When I take you out for dinner at Lubrano's, I'm out of spending-cash for the next two weeks. So please excuse me for thinking this is a bad idea. We can't go through with this. I can't even support myself. I'm sorry. Please. Please do me a favor and read this. Maybe you'll change your mind, though I do not expect you to. 2011 is going to be a rough year, no matter what you decide.

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Currently listening to: mewithoutYou
Song: January 1979
Album: Catch Us For The Foxes